on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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