I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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