Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
