There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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