wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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