we have pet lesbian snakes
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's rum buckets o'clock
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
