I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
