just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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