You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
