I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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