I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
