my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
