today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
