Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
zippers are such a cool invention
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
