Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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