I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
