he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
