I wanna bring you to show and tell
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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