Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
