don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
