I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
