Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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