he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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