omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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