Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
