Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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