Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love you. Go after that dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
