I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
