And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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