my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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