My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
