My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
