bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
meet me or not, i'm out of control
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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