I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
