The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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