do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
