the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
