My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I AM VODKA MAN
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
