She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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