i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
