So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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