the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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