I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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