there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
