I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
