When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
