It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Boobs are out for the taking
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
