she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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