Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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