Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
