That's intense
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
