Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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