i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
In America we eat man semen.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
