Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
